Bondage & BDSM

Have you always held a secret to desire to be bent over double and told you’re a bad, naughty little thing? To have a voice whisper to you all the things you’ve done wrong before a hand raises up and comes smacking down onto your vulnerable little derriere?

To have your ass made red raw with the whack of a wooden paddle, or a riding crop, or a cane made from the thinnest bamboo, leaving you so marked and sore that you can’t properly sit down for a week?

Well, don’t worry. You’re not alone.

Spanking is the most popular BDSM activity the world over, and it’s also the one that people most often turn to when they’re taking their first steps into the sticky, sweaty, sensual world of kink. Why? Well, we could say that modern society pushes us to be in control all the time, no matter what the situation, so to give over our agency to another for even a short period of time is some sweet relief. We could say that it lets us grow more emotionally attached with another when they place their safety quite literally in our hands, trusting us that we will give them the pain that they so desire but will not abuse that trust. We could say another number of things – but the truth is that everyone likes a nice big bum to play with, and everyone likes to feel bad.

But how to start? If you’ve discussed with your partner, or perhaps a new kinky friend, that you’d love to have your rump tormented by the licks of a whip or a quivering palm – how to you get going?

First of all, make sure that the spanker (let’s call him Sir) knows exactly which parts of the body he should be aiming for. The bum, obviously, is the classic, for the very reason that it’s fleshy and fatty and covered in sexy muscle. This makes a body part prime for spanking. Likewise, the backs of the thighs love a little tender loving pain. However, some body parts should be considered No-Go areas, particularly the more sensitive, bony parts or the pits of joints.

Never, ever spank or otherwise hit the collarbones, lower back, pelvis bones, backs of the ankles or the backs of the knees. Placing impact on these areas can cause lasting pain and damage to your spank-ee, and that’s not a thing we ever aim for in BDSM.

Before Sir starts pummelling away on your behind like a drum, make sure that you’re nice and warmed up – both of you. A little foreplay goes a long way, and by massaging, stroking and lightly slapping the bum of your submissive, you’ll bring the blood to the area and minimize the discomfort if you plan to play for more than a short while.

Start light and gentle, and work your way up to real blows, then harder blows – but intersperse smacks with a little rub, a little massage here and there. As well as ensuring a nicer experience, varying sensation can bring your sub to the point of ecstasy. Ensure that your little victim knows her safeword and will use it in the event that the play becomes too much for her – and when she uses it, stop the scene immediately. This is non-negotiable.

When you’ve both had enough – or after you’ve given way to the temptation for sex (and who could blame you) and are both nicely spent – be sure to engage in a little loving aftercare. The sub’s rear end will likely be sore and bruised, and she might be feeling vulnerable, so grab some Arnica cream and lightly tend to her wounds until you’re both feeling cared for, centered and in the warm afterglow of a shared experience. Drink water, eat a little dark chocolate, and apply a little ice to any areas that might be a little swollen.

Most importantly, talk through your experience and any feelings you had, and make sure that Sir tells his little one how good she’s been, how beautiful she is and how much he can’t wait to spank her again.

By engaging in the three stages of spanking (preparation, spanking itself, and aftercare) you’ll not only maximize the experience but will ensure that everyone is safe and cared for – and more importantly, wants to play again.

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