What’s a Strap-On?
It is pretty much exactly how it sounds! It’s a toy (in this case, a dildo) you can “strap on” using a pelvic harness that emulates having a phallus, so you can engage in penetrative sex. The harnesses are designed to comfortably fit the wearer and support the toy at all speeds and levels of play.
While strap-ons are most commonly associated with lesbians, there certainly are no limits to who can wear or enjoy them. Strap-ons can be used for more advanced anal play, like pegging, and can be great tools for those experiencing erectile dysfunction. Trans men may also find strap-ons to be an empowering tool for partner play, and studies have shown they can even help those experiencing symptoms of dysphoria (see your healthcare provider for more information about transitioning, dysphoria and management).
If you do not have the ability to sport a pelvic harness or you’re looking to start somewhere else, then check out some of the styles of wearable strap-ons for chin, thigh, and more.
Why Penetration?
Well, the pleasure, of course. Most people enjoy it so much they experience deep cravings for that feeling of fullness and/or filling someone up and can be the most gratifying way to orgasm after a sexy session of play. For lesbians and vulva-owners, penetration can stimulate the g-spot bringing a greater possibility of a vaginal orgasm. Think of it as dessert to an amazing meal that has you satisfied but not too full.
Unlike sex with a penis, strap-ons give the users the ability to experiment with various textures, shapes, sizes, and materials. It’s important to note that pleasure can go both ways when it comes to strap-ons. There are tons of options to choose from, including double-sided dildos, wearable/strapless versions, and they even have texture or other enhancements that stimulate the wearer like ridged, vibration, and more.
Preparing for Strap-On Sex
Unlike a penis, your hands, or your mouth, a strap-on dildo lacks nerve endings, so you can’t always feel each small spasm and reaction to your movements. Extra care must be taken to listen to your partner, start gently, and check in often. Like with all sex acts, communication is crucial.
Another important element is lubricant. Silicone lubricant can degrade silicone toys, so opt for water-based instead. Since most water-based lubes intended for skin-on-skin sex are pretty thin, you might opt for a lube formulated just for toys. These are more viscous, and so they stick to a toy instead of falling right off and don’t need to be reapplied quite as often. If silicone lube is your preference, then you’ll have to choose a toy made of a material like glass or metal that won’t be degraded.
Keep in mind that sharing toys comes with the same risks that any other fluid-swapping activity entails. Remember that anything that goes in the butt shouldn’t be used anywhere else unless it’s made of a material that can be 100% sterilized, like stainless steel or glass. You can always put a condom on a dildo too. Always use a toy cleaner before and after activity to get those toys sparkling and ready for their next adventure!
How to Choose the Right Strap-On
There are a plethora of options to get started with strap-on sex. Typically, you’ll use a harness and a dildo, but there are also all-in-one kits, so you don’t have to buy the dildo and harness separately. Or, to keep things really minimal, check out a “feel-doe” shape so you can stick it in and go. Strapless strap-ons are held in place by the vaginal or sphincter muscles and make pegging easy-no need to fuss with straps, snaps, locks, etc. The person giving and wearing the strap-on can feel pleasure from the rocking and thrusting. Strap-on backward is ”no parts,” after all.
But back to the more traditional configuration. Letting your partner choose the harness might be a fun way to make sure everyone is pleased. There may be a design they find sexier or turns them on more than others. Make sure the harness is comfortable and fits securely for more accurate thrusting. Some have a vacuum lock system to keep the dildo fastened. Many harnesses have an interchangeable o-ring that connects the dildo to the harness, so you can vary the size of toy you use. There are also more fashionable harnesses, like the SpareParts TomBoi, that are easier to slip on and double as lingerie.
Any dildo with a flared base can be used in strap-on sex. A lot of women who have sex with women prefer to avoid the realistic phallus shapes, but some don’t mind at all and enjoy the texture that the artificial veins and heads can provide. The aforementioned glass and metal dildos can be quite intense and are recommended for more advanced users. Sleeker, smaller silicone dildos feel more lifelike and can be thoroughly cleaned between uses.
There are also some interesting strap-on alternatives for various body parts that can enhance various types of play. If you’re interested in maximizing your lapdance game, then try a thigh harness. Your partner can grind away while they pleasure you, so everyone involved can be living their best life. The harness can also be attached to a pillow for solo play. While we’re on the subject of alternative strap-ons, you can also get a strap-on for your chin to send your partner into pleasure town via simultaneous oral and anal or vaginal arousal. Chin strap-ons are very accommodating accessories that help you up your eating-out game.
Best Sex Positions for Strap-Ons
Once you’re all strapped in, you can do pretty much any sex position. A few tried and true favorites include the following:
Missionary allows for intense eye contact and opportunity for fun add-ons like breast play and deep kissing. Take this one to the next level and have the receiving partner wrap their legs around you for extra support. You can also have them put their legs on your shoulders for deeper impact. Take it to a deeper level by adding a pillow under their back to angle the pelvic region more for ultimate g-spot contact.
Spooning is a great way to penetrate anally or vaginally. This position is great for embracing your partner and ear nibbling for added stimulation. Sitting in a chair or on the edge of a bed is a popular way to wow your partner and let them sensually straddle your strap-on. Have them back that thing up into your thrusts for reverse cowgirl or doggy. Spice it up with some hair pulling and ass smacking while you reach around to play with her clit. If your knees get tired, then you can move forward, and both lay on your stomach while you give them the business.
Regular cowgirl is also a fan favorite. Lay on your back and let your partner climb on top of you and straddle your strap on. Once you get your rhythm going, you can use your free hand to rub around the clit or play with their nipples.
For more advanced users, have your partner lean back on her hands into a lounging position, then, facing them, you lean back in a similar position and put your legs on top of hers. You will have a great view of each other’s bodies, and you will have a free hand or two to stimulate the clitoris while straddling. From here, you can also carefully maneuver to go ass-to-ass with a proper double-sided dildo or other toy.
Stand-up sex is super hot but needs to be done properly to be safe. You don’t need a brick wall or a microphone; you just need to be strong and willing. Start with your partner on the edge of the bed and begin gyrating. Once her legs are wrapped around your waist, and you’ve entered them with the dildo, you can stand up and grab some ass. For extra support, you can press against a wall and feel the force of gravity; or you can use a swing if you have the will and desire but lack the upper-body strength. Have your partner stand on one leg for flamingo style, and get ready for some hot whoopie.
There are so many exciting, fulfilling benefits to using strap-ons in the bedroom. Both partners can find fulfillment mentally and physically, and they aren’t only for one gender or orientation. Strap-ons are truly for everyone. And don’t forget, all you need is lube.
