Is your love life in a rut? Maybe you’ve tried opening the door in lingerie, reading a self-help book, or even watched a sexy instructional video, but sometimes you need to take a bit of a heavier handed approach to spicing things up. Why not try adding a little BDSM to your routine to change things up?
The BDSM scene was formerly more of an underground community that had the public imagined as weird kinksters whipping each other, but in recent years, more and more people have been opening themselves to the possibility that soft touches and light caresses aren’t the only way to feel pleasure. The premise of S/M is that pain and pleasure are two sides of the same coin, and one must experience both to appreciate its antithesis.
S&M, BDSM, kink, whatever you call it - Bondage/Discipline Domination/Submission Sadism/Masochism is a surefire way to make things in your life (sexual and not) a little more interesting.
BDSM Relationships
The cornerstone of a working S/M relationship is trust. S&M has been categorized by sexologists and theorists as being characterized not for unconventional practices, but by its intensely descriptive nature and narrative - “scenes,” or acts of S/M are discussed, described, and planned extensively by both parties before the event unfolds. The contract, as seen in the 50 Shades series, is not uncommon.
Responsible kinksters not only agree to what they will be doing, but also may have a list of acts they won’t participate in. Respecting one another’s limits is absolutely essential for both the Dom and the sub. If one person violates the other’s boundaries, the scene ceases to become BDSM and is in fact abuse. Consent, discussion, description, and demonstration are the key foundations of BDSM.
Getting Started
Getting started with BDSM can be simple - ask your partner if they’re open to it, and discuss what you’re both willing to try. You can take turns being the Dominant partner and the submissive partner to figure out which role you prefer. It’s good to try both roles so you can truly understand what the other person is feeling and experiencing during a scene.
You can watch an instructional video together, or for some classic inspiration, snuggle up with your partner and read a selection from a classic S/M erotica novel like “Philosophy in the Bedroom” by the Marquis de Sade for a lesson in flagellation; or “Venus in Furs” by Leopold von Sacher-Masoch to learn more about the ecstasy of giving oneself completely over to the whims of a cruel master or mistress.
Then it’s time to shop. Every S/M practitioner should have a few essential pieces of gear to heighten their scenes and enhance the experience. Keep these BDSM must-haves on hand to show ‘em who’s boss.
Setting the Scene
A “scene” is a previously planned, discussed, and series of S/M acts which all participants have agreed to. After much discussion, limit-setting, and logistics, participants engage in S/M play called “scenes” that can be stopped at any time by any participant by using a safe word.
Before you begin a scene, assemble your tools and arrange your furniture. Wearing bdsm kink clothing isn’t essential but it’s a really fun way to get in the mood. Set the mood with stockings made of wet look, an alternative to latex that looks super edgy and sexy.
Strappy lingerie can help a kink participant feel as if they’re truly channeling their inner dominatrix, and a corset or a waist trainer can act as a restraint on its own.
Sensory Heightening
An essential characteristic of any BDSM act and preparation in particular is the heightening of one’s senses. Pain and pleasure both can lead to extremely sensual experiences that practitioners believe are important and interesting places on the spectrum of human physical and mental feeling.
Many items used in BDSM are particularly useful for intensifying sensation. If you can’t see, for example, your hearing becomes more acute and your physical being may be more reactive and anticipatory of touch, particularly if unsure if the touch will be soft and gentle or more intense and hard.
First, blindfold your lover. Restricting your vision and preventing them from knowing where you are and what you’re doing will absolutely drive them wild.
Whips & Paddles
Floggers aren’t just for striking - soft materials and interesting textures can be used to trace along your lover’s body, to tease and tickle, or to soothe after a resounding wack! When you use a flogger, make sure to aim for fleshy parts of the body like the thighs and the bum. Never strike the lower back. Trace their body with a silicone paddle to make their skin sensitive, then give it a gentle pat. Then harder. Use your hand to soothe their skin in between thwacks.
Ball Gags
A ball gag is a different way of restricting the senses - a submissive is rendered speechless and under complete control of their master or mistress. For beginners, we recommend a breathable ball gag so that the wearer is still able to breathe through their mouth if needed. The inability to breathe through the mouth can be a bit intense but highly erotic if you’re ready for more.
Nipple Clamps
Adjustable nipple clamps make nipple stand at attention ultra sensitive when brushed against. They also look really cute! Nipple clamps are also great for solo play, giving you the stimulation you enjoy while leaving your hands free.
Restraints
One of the joys of being a submissive is relinquishing any control you have and entrusting your partner with both your pain and pleasure. BDSM restraints are an obvious way of exerting control and demonstrating obedience.
Restrain your lover with handcuffs and render them defenseless. You can also use lovers' tape to painlessly arrange their body parts in compromising positions - tape their hands behind their back, over their head, or to their ankles so they’re bent over and completely powerless.
Under the Bed Restraints are another popular item that allow couples to easily install a restraint system at home - simply slip the restraints under your mattress, and enjoy spreading your lover’s limbs and making them beg for sweet release.
ElectroSex
Ready for more? Once you feel like you have the basics down, an exciting and sexy way to bring some extra zest into the bedroom is with electro shock therapy. We guarantee it’s unlike any sensation you’ve experienced before.
What Electro Play Feels Like
If you’ve ever been to a chiropractor, you have some semblance of an idea of the sensation. Electroshock shouldn’t be painful necessarily. It’s not like sticking your finger into a socket. Electrical currents work to cause your muscles to involuntarily clench and release, which can bring more intense, deeper sensations as you move the currents over sensitive areas of your body. And if you use electricity to move the muscles inside your body? Well, you probably can imagine what that can do to your vaginal or sphincter muscles.
Electro Stim Toys
The Fetish Fantasy Shock Therapy Kit has everything you need to get started with electrosex. Apply a bit of Electro-Sex Gel to the surface of the skin, attach the reusable soft shocking pads to the control unit and adjust the settings to your liking. Imagine the possibilities - stimulate your lovers’ nipples, neck, inner arms, and other more sensitive areas.
Alternatively, make sparks fly with Electro Stimulation Gloves. Send tingles down your lover’s spine as you run your hands all over their body.
Ready to go deeper? The Impulse by California Exotics Electro Stimulator Wand will deliver mind-blowing orgasms again and again as your pelvic muscles contract and you reach peak levels of ecstasy.
What's Next
These kink must-haves are simply the tip of the iceberg. There’s an entire world of BDSM waiting for you and your lover to discover. Check out our sex toys for kink and BDSM and keep an eye out for BDSM blog posts detailing more advanced techniques.
