BDSM stands for many things - Bondage, Discipline/Domination, Submission/Sadism, Masochism. It can mean different things to different people, for example, you can practice S&M with your partner without ever touching a rope or a blindfold, or you can be a diehard shibari (the Japanese art of rope-tying) artist without even finding it arousing.
But wherever you fall in the alphabet, true BDSM is not at all what you saw in Fifty Shades of Gray. Some people may live a 24/7 S&M lifestyle, and some may simply dabble when they want to spice things up in the bedroom. Whatever your interest may be, being equipped and informed will help you electrify your lifestyle and get into the swing of things.
The core principle of BDSM is that pain and pleasure are two sides of the same coin, and by experiencing one, you can more fully appreciate the other. If you’ve been following along with HUSTLER Hollywood’s blog, you’re probably well-versed in BDSM basics by now. Blindfolds, ticklers, light spanks, and teasing are a great place to start. But now it’s time to get a little more advanced. Here’s our guide to bondage sex toys, whips, chains, and all sorts of things that will surprise and delight all of your senses.
Consent and Contracts
As you already know, consent is the most important part of the BDSM lifestyle. It’s vital to have a conversation with your play partner before you begin wherein all parties plan and agree to exactly how a scene will be enacted, what acts will be involved, which objects you’re both willing to use, and how far you’re willing to go. You must also come up with a “safe word” - pick a word that wouldn’t commonly come up in conversation, like “pineapple,” and both parties must agree that if the word is used, the scene will cease immediately, no questions asked.
If you read Fifty Shades, you may already be familiar with the concept of the contract. It’s not a bad idea to have your agreement written down to refer to - this will ensure that everything is well-documented and clear and no lines are crossed. A written contract will remove any shred of ambiguity, and it’s helpful to write down your desires if you’re feeling a little shy.
Reading and Research
Before you dive right in, spend some time fantasizing. What is your ideal S&M scenario? Are you a Dom/me (the “active” player, the one who inflicts the punishment and pleasure,) or are you a more submissive type who wants to be on the receiving end of the sensory overload? Discuss this with your partner beforehand. You can take turns as well, “switches” are a common and essential player in any BDSM society. You may want to do some reading and research to get some ideas for a scene.
Mandatory reading for any S&M practitioner includes works by the players who named S&M - the Marquis de Sade, and Leopold von Sacher-Masoch. These historical figures quite literally named the game. Sadism is named for the Marquis, an 18th-century libertine who was actually imprisoned for his sexual excesses. Most of his works were written in prison, including his most famous work 120 Days of Sodom, in which four wealthy men scrupulously plan the most vulgar, obscene orgy imaginable. Sacher-Masoch penned Venus in Furs, a novel about a man who falls madly in love with a cruel mistress and will stop at nothing to suffer by her hand.
These works are extreme but will allow you to get familiar with the true roots of S&M and can inspire you to enact some of these scenarios in your own boudoir (or dungeon.) More modern works that are a bit lighter include Carrie’s Story, Macho Sluts, and The Story of O. For non-fiction research, pick up The New Bottoming Book, and of course How to be Kinky.
Bondage Basics
Ropes & Restraints
Having a proper set of bondage restraints is essential for any serious Dom/me. We recommend having good bondage rope, one set of ankle cuffs, one set of handcuffs, and a plentiful collection of blindfolds & gags in your pleasure trunk.
Live your best Secretary life with Liberator's Talea Spreader Bar. It comes complete with handcuffs so you can arrange your partner’s limbs in prime position for excessive tickling. They’ll writhe in agony and ecstasy with their arms suspended, powerless to defend themselves.
Talea Spreader Bar
The Master Series' Sissy Mouth Gag is the perfect humiliation tool - good luck keeping a straight face as you use your sub’s wet little mouth to do with as you wish.
Master Series Sissy Mouth Gag
If you’re not yet a rope-tying master, Scandal's Lover's Bondage Tape will do in a pinch! It sticks to itself instead of your skin and makes tying up your lover simple and straightforward.
Scandal Bondage Tape
Our best-selling bondage system, SportSheets' Under-the-Bed Restraint Kit is perfect for people who may have nosy roommates - simply tuck the hand and ankle cuffs under your bed between play sessions and you’re ready to go.
Under the Bed Restraint System
Toys & Tools
Unlike your run of the mill vibrator, BDSM sex toys can be used to provide both pain and pleasure. Nipple and clit toys are not only a fashionable accessory. Clamps like the Spartacus Nipple and Clit Tweezer Clamps cause your most sensitive bits to stand at attention. As they gently squeeze and pinch, they increase sensitivity so that a mere brush will cause the wearer to shiver.
Spartacus Nipple & Clit Tweezer Clamps
Similarly, cock and ball toys are designed to both torture and titillate. Oxballs Cock-Lock Chastity Cock Cage is a flexible yet firm rubber chastity device that will punish its wearer anytime he begins getting a bit aroused. Imagine the sweet release when your cruel mistress finally takes mercy on you and frees your throbbing member from its container.
Oxballs Cock-Lock Chastity Cock Cage
Electrosex toys quite literally shock and awe - a Dom/me wearing Electro-Stimulation Gloves by Electroshock can run their hands along their sub’s most sensitive and vulnerable body parts, delivering a sensual stroke before turning up the juice to deliver a perfunctory electric wallop.
Electro-stimulation Gloves
Combine cock and ball torture with electricity by inserting the Zeus Electrosex Urethral Sound from XR Brands into the urethra. Yes, it’s just as extreme and intense as it sounds. A regular urethral plug is stimulating enough on its own, imagine the heights of sensation you’ll reach when you turn up the power to 11 on this bad boy.
Electrosex Urethral Sound
A 10-Reel Dual Pinwheel will kiss your skin with ten rows of spikes that will make your hair stand on end.
Master Series 10 Reel Dual Pinwheel
And of course, a serious Sadist needs a high-quality whip, like Kookie International's Suede Loop Flogger.
Kookie International Suede Flogger
Furniture for F***ing
Sex furniture is a vital asset for BDSM play. This will help you get your partner into position and allow you to get creative with how you dole out pain and pleasure. The Liberator Flip Ramp can be used in a multitude of ways - during vanilla sex, it can help you get the best angle to hit the G-spot and help you achieve positions you thought only gymnasts were capable of. But when you’re ready for a little bit of pain, the Flip Ramp is ideal for raising that derriere into optimal spanking position.
Liberator Flip Ramp
Even more advanced, the Obedience Extreme Sex Ramp comes with straps that you can secure your partner to, ensuring that they’re under your complete control when you pet their rear, delivering calm before driving them into oblivion with a flagellation frenzy.
Obedience Extreme Sex Bench
Afterflow and Aftercare in BDSM
Now that you're a fully-prepared expert, it’s time to engage in after care. When a scene ends, it’s important that the sub has time to ‘come down’ from the natural rush that can occur after extreme sensory deprivation or overload. All sorts of natural brain chemicals are flowing- serotonin, dopamine, and endorphins may make both parties feel super sensitive for a period of time.
Identify both you and your partners’ after-play needs. Some subs love having their hair brushed, a warm bath, a yummy snack, or just a bit of their own space and quiet time. Dom/me’s should also take this time to look after themselves - they can journal, reflect on the scene and how to optimize it in the future, or maybe they need to have a conversation about insights they gained from the play.
After you take care of each other, take care of your equipment. Make sure to properly clean your tools after each use - obviously use sex toy cleaner on your insertable objects, but you should also use it on your cuffs, bars, and any other hard goods! It’s also vital to clean your softer suede and leather items, especially if they come into contact with bodily fluids. If you take care of your gear, it will love you back for years to come.
