Bondage & BDSM

So you’ve identified your love of kink and you’ve decided to delve into it a little bit more. You’ve tried your hand at a few roles and you’ve decided that you’re more of a sadist than a masochist – that is, you prefer to be the dominant partner in a scene, the one who’s doing the spanking instead of receiving the blows.

That’s fantastic – but wait. Stop right there, mister, with that slapping hand raised in the air. There are a few things you need to know about being a good Dominant partner before you can go in all guns blazing, spanking all the beautiful butts that come your way.

First of all, there’s a lot of responsibility that comes along with being the Dominant player in a scene. If you are the only Dom, you are directly responsible for the safety and wellbeing of your submissive/s, and that refers to their mental and emotional health as well as their physical wellbeing. But, having chosen to take on the Dom role, you should already know this.

It’s very easy to be a Dom – what’s more difficult is to be a good Dom.

The great Masters and Mistresses are easy to spot in your local scene; they’re the ones who carry themselves with an unmistakable air of confidence, but without arrogance; people flock to them just because they put others at ease and seem so at ease with themselves. It might seem like this is something innate, but it isn’t – being a good Dom is something that you can work at.

The best Doms constantly seek out new “training” and information; they attend workshops and pour through BDSM books, as well as entering into mentoring relationships with those more experienced, so that they can learn and grow. They don’t pretend to be more than they are – if there are holes in their knowledge, they work hard to make sure that those holes are patched up.

A good Dom knows the difference between being in charge and being bossy or bullying; they wield their power with grace and understanding, and can, of course, control themselves in any given situation. They care greatly about the people around them – within the kink scene and outside of it – and they are eager to take on the roles of mentors and teachers to those with less experience than themselves.

You won’t find a good Dom in a heated exchange with another; rather, he or she is diplomatic and will help others to come to an agreement when tensions are strained. She never allows herself to be jealous or pedantic, and holds herself to high standards in terms of her behaviour, her appearance and her activities.

Being a Dom isn’t a static existence; rather, it is a journey that you should relish. Asking another person to give themselves over to you, whether this is for just an hour a week or 24/7, means that you have to make yourself worthy of such a sacrifice.

But where to start?

The web is an almost inexhaustible supply of information on the topic, so get Googling and find some websites that can help you on your way. There are also some great books on the topic, including How to be Kinky by little old me and The Loving Dominant by John and Libby Warren. However, the best thing is to get out into your local BDSM community and find yourself a mentor – a Dom that you look up to, and that you can learn from.

And don’t forget; with great power comes great responsibility…


Older Post Newer Post


Leave a comment