Valentine’s Day has long been bemoaned and referred to as S.A.D.: “Singles’ Awareness Day.” But lesser known is its polar opposite—the joyful, defiant “Singles’ Day,” occurring on November 11th. The holiday was popularized in China and is making its way across the globe, encouraging unpartnered folks to show their pride in their lack of marital status. Chinese students decided that on this day, single people should take themselves out to a fancy dinner and treat themselves to gifts. Alibaba trademarked the holiday in 2009, and since then, online sales during the holiday have surpassed those of Black Friday. We don’t think you need to wait for a special day to treat yourself, but if there happen to be some cool online promos happening that day, why not take advantage?
The truth is, being single is still stigmatized. No matter your sexuality, adults who opt for a life without a partner are often questioned, pitied or even feared. Remember the Sex and the City episode where Carrie notices all her married friends don’t know what to talk to her about other than her dating life and then reassure her that she’ll find “the one” even though she didn’t necessarily express any anguish about her singledom? Why is this status so feared?
Bella DePaulo, Ph.D., is a social psychologist and author of Singled Out. DePaulo challenges societal proscriptions that being in a relationship is somehow fundamental to fulfillment and satisfaction. She often even argues that single people are ultimately happier because they’re free to live their lives without compromise. She also stresses that single people are commonly perceived to be unhappy, lonely or unattached, when in fact, they often are fulfilled through multiple connections, rather than just relying upon one primary relationship to fulfill all one’s needs.
DePaulo highlights the benefits of being single—not just the day-to-day, like the ability to choose what music you put on in the car, the shows you spend time watching, and whether or not you absolutely need to do the dishes, but nothing holds single people back from living out their dreams. That is not to deny that for many folks, the dream is to have a happy relationship and family, which is wonderful. But for others, being single means freedom to pursue the lifestyle you choose. That could mean pursuing a less lucrative career path that may be more personally fulfilling because you don’t have to worry about supporting a family. It could mean choosing where to live or moving around more frequently. It means living out the idea that there are many paths to living a purposeful, meaningful life.
Of course, this isn’t to deny that some people are single who don’t wish to be. For those, we offer the age-old sentiment that basically states one must learn how to be contented and fulfilled alone before they can feel that way with another. It’s true, to develop one’s sense of self and have passions, interests and connections outside of a romantic relationship will build a solid foundation for one’s future. DePaulo notes that people who are happy before they get married don’t magically become any happier after they’re married. To turn that finding on its head, that means people who are already happy with themselves will remain happy, regardless of marital status. This certainly makes a case for finding happiness before you enter a relationship—or why it’s important to continue to work on your relationship with yourself throughout all phases of your relationships.
The students who started the holiday used to celebrate with a spirit of mischievousness, like reserving every other seat in a movie theatre so that coupled people wouldn’t be able to sit together. We like the idea of taking some time to treat yourself to some luxurious activities and spend time indulging in some extra-special self-care.
Plan your perfect day
If you had an entire day to avoid thinking about work, turn your phone off, and just do the things you enjoy most, what would you do? Perhaps a trip to your favorite museum? A long country-side drive? Picnic at the beach? Take the day to let go of stress and responsibilities and enjoy your own company. Plan a spa day. If visiting one in person isn’t an option, make your own at home. Grab a bath bomb, a face mask, a scented candle, and put on your favorite relaxing playlist. Brew some herbal tea or a smoothie to sip while you bask, and let all your senses be treated. Order in your favorite from your favorite restaurant, queue up some feel-good shows like The Good Place or Friends, and lounge at home in your comfiest clothes, guilt-free.
Have a date night for one
There’s something very bold and liberating about taking yourself out to eat. People in movies always look so confident, elegantly sipping wine, daintily slurping pasta, and patting their lips with a napkin. But in reality, the experience can be intimidating. The key is to fake confidence until you make it. No one else is going to think it’s weird or sad, be it the wait staff or other patrons, unless you’re visibly acting uncomfortable. It may be helpful to pretend you’re someone else for the night. Dress up in a fancy outfit, maybe put on a hat, and make a reservation for a table for one at a fancy hotel restaurant, where there are likely to be other single diners to make you feel at ease. Put your phone away and focus on the food—the taste, the texture, the aromas. Dining can be a very sensual, stimulating experience! If it’s still too much, eating at the bar is a good way to dip your toe in. If you’re feeling really indulgent, get a hotel room for the night and order room service. Eating in bed in a robe is essential. Bonus points if there’s a hot tub in the room!
Visit a HUSTLER Hollywood
Today’s the day to treat yourself and expand your budget just a bit. Whether you’ve been thinking of upgrading your vibrator or feel that you deserve some sexy pajamas, check your reservations and allow yourself to splurge on yourself. If you’ve been eyeing a higher-end toy like a Lelo or a We-Vibe, take the plunge. Trust us—spending a bit more on a quality vibrator is an investment in yourself that will pay off for years. If you’re not in the market for a new toy, luxuriate in some lavish lingerie. Languishing in some silky threads is a wonderful way to treat yourself and feel fabulous. If you’re particularly feeling yourself, have a photoshoot and frame some prints of yourself as a bold declaration of your independence!
