What’s sexier than having sex?
Not having sex!
Believe it or not, chastity play is a very common kink that can bring participants physical and emotional fulfillment, excitement and an enhanced sense of connection with their play partner.
Chastity play is a unique type of torture. It may be one facet of one’s BDSM activity, or it may be the main course. It can be a very direct method of sensory deprivation or simply a fun way to build anticipation.
Are you intrigued? Prepare yourself as follows.
Getting Started with Chastity Play
A less taboo, more common type of chastity play is edging, or bringing yourself very close to orgasm, and then... not orgasming.
Chastity play and orgasm denial often do go hand in hand, but not always. However, the delay of orgasm is essential.
Think of it as the ultimate form of delayed gratification. You’re going to come at some point, but you have no idea and zero control over when and how. How hot would it be to give that absolute control over to your partner? There are typically two roles you can play: the Caged One and the Keyholder. The keyholder may be your spouse, your play partner, or even someone on the other side of the world. You should trust the keyholder to respect your limits, adhere to all use of safewords, and also be strict enough to not give into uncaging you for their own pleasure!
Limits
As with all types of sex, enthusiastic consent is everything. And like all and other forms of BDSM, limits, rules, and restrictions must be vigorously and rigorously described, discussed, and agreed upon by all parties. A safeword is absolutely necessary because more likely than not, you will hit your limit. Especially in the beginning as you’re being introduced to chastity play, you’ll eventually probably be filled with a desperate need to be unlocked. Have a panic button at the ready, verbally or physically, so you can be released immediately if necessary.
The standard BDSM contract may look a little different with this type of play; you may have to agree to time limits, pee breaks, and all sorts of things that may not have crossed your mind. It may be beneficial to run a few practice sessions with easy outs so you can take note of what to be prepared for.
Teasing
Before you go out and purchase a device, simply begin by playing with orgasm control/denial. If you’re on your own, see how many times you can masturbate and bring yourself to the brink of orgasm, and then stop until you’re flaccid again. You’ll find that with each “rep,” the sensation becomes more intense, you become more excited, and when you at last can no longer take it and bring yourself to orgasm, it’s even more mind-blowing and satisfying than usual.
If part of your plan is not orgasming at all, practice by abstaining from all sexual activity for a few days at a time—no sex, no masturbation, and absolutely no orgasming. Try this out for a while before you introduce a device. Many find they need to get used to abstaining before they even think about locking it up.
Once you’ve gotten quite adept at self-discipline and delaying your orgasm, you can look for a cock cage that’ll enforce your orgasm delay.
Devices
When you’re starting out, start simple. Avoid devices made of metal or hard plastic until you’re used to being locked up. Instead, seek out cages made of flexible material. Even a rubbery material like TPR will restrict the erection, gleefully punishing the caged one. Once you’re used to being caged, mentally as well as physically, you can graduate to harder materials.
A proper and simple fit is essential to preventing damage. Hold off on the more complicated designs until you have a bit more experience under your belt. When shopping, you must be honest with yourself about what size will work for you. If it’s too big, the cage will slip off too easily; if it’s too small, we’re looking at those potential problems from direct compression.
Want the kinky look of a chastity device without all the restrictions? Try an open cock cage. Your member will be free to move and secrete as you like, but the sensation of being completely ensheathed from base to tip will create the illusion of regulation without actually relinquishing all control.
Safety
One newly chaste male wrote to sex and love guru Dan Savage, asking for advice on long-term physiological risks of wearing a chastity device. Stephen H. King, MD, responded that while chastity play largely remains unstudied, he’d recommend using a chastity device for no longer than four to six hours at a time for the sake of future erections and preservation of erectile function. There are those who will not heed his advice and wear it continuously all day or even sleep in it, but they do so at their own risk.
Direct compression seems to be the main concern, according to Dr. King, so if your device doesn’t directly restrict blood vessels or tissue, you may be able to get away with longer wear. If you’re quite serious about chastity play and want to spend significant amounts of time locked up, you may want to seek out a custom-made design that is made to be worn for hours on end without direct compression.
Before you put your device on, trim your pubic hair so that the device won’t get tangled and snag, but avoid shaving as the device rubbing against newly smooth skin could cause irritation. Add a tiny drop of water-based lube so you can seamlessly pull the device over your penis and allow it to move freely.
Another essential safety tip: Make a spare key! If you give one to your partner, they leave your side, and something happens that delays their return, what are you going to do? Of course, that may be part of the appeal of being locked up without control, but if they lose theirs, it’ll give you both peace of mind to have a spare set within reach. Another option is to forego the old-fashioned lock and key altogether and use a cock cage controllable via Bluetooth, complete with a tracking device so your keyholder can keep tabs on you from anywhere in the world.
Hygiene
Here’s the thing. Even if you’re only wearing your device for up to four hours at a time, you’ll probably have to heed nature’s call. Now, it’s up to you (and your keyholder) to decide if you want to let it go or are going to allow removal for urination.
And as far as having an orgasm, if you’re a naughty little boy, you may be able to find a way to somehow come inside your cage (we’re not going to offer any tips on how!), so again, it’s up to you and your keyholder to decide if you can remove the device for cleaning (and your keyholder can decide on your punishment!).
There are devices with open ends or holes that allow secretions to flow through. Some long-term wearers are able to clean themselves in the shower without removing the device, but you can’t really sterilize thoroughly that way. Wearers should sanitize their devices between each wear, whether they’re urinating or orgasming into the device or not. Be mindful that some materials, like steel, are prone to rusting, so be sure to sanitize and dry thoroughly to maintain the life of your device.
Play
Once the device is in place, it’s time to enjoy it! You can lock yourself up and give away the key or have your keyholder secure you and then hide the key. Perhaps they’ll lightly tease you to prove that the device is in effect, or perhaps they won’t grant you that satisfaction yet. The anticipation will be exquisite, and your mouth will be watering, imagining the intensity of your next orgasm—if your keyholder decides to let you have one!
