Let's Talk About Masturbation - The why, the how… all of it.

Firstly, if you’re not masturbating, you are absolutely missing out.  And no, not just the immediate satisfaction of having an orgasm, I mean the long term results. You see, mastering your own body, will lead to better sex over your lifetime. Think about it: how can you possibly expect your lover to find and pleasure all of your hot spots if you haven’t discovered the path for yourself? This is why masturbation is so important.

Why You Should Masturbate

In any relationship, sexual or otherwise, you need to be able to know and love yourself before another can do the same. It helps you figure out what you like and where you like it, which is the first step in cultivating an amazing sex life. 

Masturbation increases your sexual awareness and helps you understand your body and how it works, which can help you enjoy sex more. And who doesn’t want to enjoy sex… MORE! Hint: it will also make you want to have sex more, because it’s so damn good. There are many toys for both women, men and couples.

As if you weren’t already convinced… there are health benefits to masturbation as well:

  • Menstrual cramp relief
  • Endorphin release & stress reduction
  • Stronger pelvic muscles
  • A sleep aid
  • Reduction of prostate gland infection for men
  • Resistance to yeast or pelvic infections for women

Did you know that women who masturbate regularly are more likely to feel positively about their bodies. It’s also shown to cause higher self-esteem and sexual confidence in women. Women who feel in control of their own sexuality and pleasure and know what turns them on will be more confident in and out of bed. Plus, it leads to a positive upward spiral of self-care. When you know what you need to bring yourself pleasure and orgasm, you strengthen your emotional intelligence and connection to your body.

Knowing how your body works, and what you’re capable of, regardless of your relationship status, helps you make better decisions and set stronger boundaries about dating and mating. When you can bring yourself physical pleasure, you don’t need someone else to validate that you’re sexy. You know it.

For men, it BUILDS STAMINA. That’s all we need to say about that.

The Female G-Spot

There has been some controversy over whether the g-spot is a distinct gland or a collection of nerve endings from the underside of the clitoris… but it doesn’t matter: it’s analogous to the prostate in the male body. It’s known as a female prostate because it produces chemicals similar to those of the male prostate and when aroused, women can experience wetness. If you've ever attempted to squirt or experience female ejaculation, this is how you do it. 

How to Find It:

Lie back and relax — embarking on your first G-spot mission can take patience.

Start by spreading your legs and bending your knees, so your vagina is open and accessible. With your palm facing up, insert two fingers inside, pressing your fingertips against the center of the upper vaginal wall. “You’re seeking a spongy, puckered, or slightly ridged area, like the roof of your mouth,”

If after several minutes you’re still coming up empty-handed, think of a sexual fantasy — seriously. When you are aroused, the G-spot fills with fluid, making it swell and become larger. “You’ll have an easier time locating it if you are turned on,” says Hirschman.

One sort of strange tip-off that you’ve found it: a sudden need to pee. “Because the G-spot is so close to the urethra, touching it often triggers that urgent gotta-go feeling, as if you have to urinate,” explains Bat Sheva Marcus, PhD, clinical director of the Medical Center for Female Sexuality. No need to run to the restroom; it’s a false alarm. After a few seconds, the urge may pass, and you’ll probably soon experience a blooming, heated kind of sensation that becomes more and more intense as you touch and stroke the area.

If you’re having trouble reaching or just want a little help, there are a number of G-spot sex toys made specifically to stimulate this area.

rave standing

Rave: $119.99


One of our favorites is the Rave by We-Vibe. It’s sculpted specifically for your G-spot making it easy to hold while you stimulate the area. The Rave by We-Vibe offers rumbling vibrations, smooth edges for added sensation when you twist your hand and the we-connect app so you or your long distance lover can control the vibrator from your phone.

Continue to experiment on your own with different speeds and pressures. You can also try different caresses, like a figure 8 or a rapid succession of pulses. Don’t be afraid to press harder if you need to, the g-spot can take a lot of pressure. Tapping can also give you the stimulation you need, use the tip of your finger to tap firmly and repeatedly on your G-spot.

Don’t be surprised if you find yourself closer and closer to orgasm. There’s no reason to hold back — let yourself experience a super intense g-spot orgasm on your own before you show your man how he can take you there. When you are with your partner, consider placing a few pillows under your butt and widening your legs, which will open your vagina more and give him greater access.

Boosting the Power of Your G-Spot:

Practice makes perfect, and that’s especially true when it comes to your G-spot. The more you stimulate it and incorporate it into your sex repertoire, the easier it’ll be to achieve G-spot nirvana.

Besides having more sex, you can deepen the sensations you feel by regularly doing Kegel exercises. You’ve heard of these — it’s when you contract your pubococcygeus muscles, as if you were trying to stop your urine stream. “Repeatedly doing Kegels will strengthen your vaginal muscles, giving you a tighter grip during intercourse that helps add more pressure to your G-spot,” says Hirschman.

Erogenous Zones

The penis & vagina aren’t your only erogenous zone. In case you didn’t know, your body is a treasure trove of not-so-obvious pleasure spots just waiting to be aroused. For example: ladies, did you know that touches to your nipples stimulate the same area of the brain as the clitoris? For all you know, you could be missing out on some serious hot spots all over your body. Make sure you’re exploring everything and mixing it up. Um, you’ve seen the Friends episode right? Seven, Seven, SEVEN!

If you haven’t watched this, get it together. Here you go:

Setting the Mood

Creating a sexy, un-stressful atmosphere is a HUGE part of the masturbation experience, especially for women. The brain is the largest sex organ – a lot of our arousal is tied to our brains, this is why we often need to get into the mindset for sex, even if we’re just planning a sexy evening for one. Just because you’re reaching climax solo style doesn’t mean you should ignore outside aspects that will enhance your experience.

  • Make a sexytime playlist
  • Dress in your sexiest lingerie
  • Light some candles, dim the lighting, etc

Have patience. Just because the brain is the largest sex organ doesn’t mean you should set up camp there. In a recent Cosmo survey, a whopping 32% of women said that they were too in their own head to actually reach orgasm. You know that saying “A watched pot never boils”? Well, a watched pot never orgasms either. Yes, all of us want to cross that explosive finish line, but a lot of times we put so much pressure on ourselves to reach that big O that we miss the turnpike altogether. During your next solo sex encounter, try not to focus on what’s not happening with your body and appreciate what is. Before you know it, that extra oomph will find it’s way to you. And if not, at least you enjoyed the ride!

Masturbation Techniques

On to the good stuff, the actual TOUCHING. Isn’t that what we’re all doing this for in the first place?

For Men

We get it, you’ve had masturbation down since birth – Hell, you probably came out of the womb holding your penis! But that doesn’t mean you can’t learn a new technique or two that will actually have you enjoying the entire experience vs. rushing to get to the finish line.

Swivel & Screw hand move

    While standing, twist your lubed-up hand (whichever you’re most comfortable using) so that your thumb is against your belly button.

    Wrap your hand around your penis and, rather than stroke with your hand, move your pelvis to pump in and out of your hand. It’ll make you feel like you’re actually penetrating a vagina.

    Bring your balls into play

      The next time you’re masturbating and feel as though you’re about to ejaculate, put your other hand over your scrotum and lightly squeeze and pull it down (or more aggressively, if you like that sort of thing). Some guys say this move intensifies their orgasm, so it’s probably worth a try!

      Focus on the head

        Once you’re erect, place some lube on the inside of one hand, and rather than rub your penis with your hand, keep rubbing the tip of your penis against the palm of your hand to orgasm.

        TIP: To improve your sexual stamina, and make your masturbation sessions feel that much better, try Fleshlight’s Stamina Training Unit.

        fleshlight masturbator

        Value Pack: $120.00


        • This upgrade takes the the best-selling sex toy for men, and turns it into a tool for multi-tasking.
        • The STU is specifically designed to train men to last longer, by training your body to handle high levels of arousal. The more you use it, the longer you’ll last in bed!
        • So drop and give me 20… minutes of masturbation, that is!

        For Women

        Ladies, we’ve all got our tried and true way to pleasure ourselves, but you might be missing out on something even more orgasmic.

        • If you haven’t explored your clitoris yet, start by taking your pointer and middle finger and placing them on the clitoris and clitoral hood.
        • Start moving slowly in circular motion to see how it feels, and go from there!
        • Every lady is different in how she likes to be touched, but there are no wrong ways to get started. Test out different strokes and varying pressures to discover what you respond most pleasurably to. Once you’ve manually gotten the lay of the land, then you can start mixing it up
        • If you typically stroke yourself in a diagonal pattern (moving your fingers over your clitoris from side to side) try varying your stroke technique by caressing it, using an up and down motion instead
        • Try rubbing your clitoris with one finger, two fingers, three fingers, four fingers, and your entire hand.
        • Tap your clitoris with one or two fingers.

        Mutual Masturbation

        No matter how great the sex is between you and your partner, every couple needs a little “me” time! SO why not take this usually solo act and turn it into a duet? The fact is, new sex partners do not come with an instruction manual. How awesome would that be though!?

        Every person likes different things below the belt, and sometimes the best way to discover the RIGHT way to touch somebody is to let them show you how they like to be touched during mutual masturbation. Nobody knows your body better than you, and watching you touch yourself gives your partner an up close and personal masturbation education! Plus, it can be pretty damn hot to watch!

        Try bringing some toys into the mix as well. He can use the Fleshlight Stamina Training Unit while she uses the Jimmyjane Form 2.

        Jimmyjane form 2 clit vibrator

        Form 2: $129.00


        Stimulation Tools

        You experiment with different sex styles with your partner, so why not change things up when you’re going solo?

        Porn & Erotica

        According to We-Vibe’s recent masturbation survey, 53% of respondents said they preferred their imagination to porn while self-loving. I’m sure your imagination is a pretty sexy place to be, but why not give your brain a little break and enjoy a little background erotica? It could help enhance your mood, or even provide a little fantasy inspiration. Porn plays to your additional senses. Sometimes just catching a glimpse of something sexy or hearing the sounds of someone having sex and enjoying it can amplify your own experience.


        This might sound a little bit new-agey, but the simple act of deep breathing can truly enhance your sexual experience, especially when you settle in for some solo time. It helps you be present in the moment and truly pay attention to everything that you’re feeling.

        Try breathing deeply into the pelvic area using your stomach muscles to pull air down into your body (like they might tell you to do in yoga) before gently exhaling through your nose. This creates oxygen and increases blood flow in the pelvic area. As you feel yourself coming close to orgasm, slow your breathing and surf the sensations. 

        Your breathing directly influences your climax and can control it very effectively; normally when you’re close to orgasm your breathing becomes faster and shorter, you might even begin to hold your breath. Recognize when this is happening and breathe slower. This alone will delay your orgasm, and result in a more satisfying climax. This practice can also really enhance your experience during intercourse, so get into the practice of it solo before trying it out with a partner!

        Explore New Areas

        Next time you’re alone and feeling erotically charged, start gently playing with your nipples – stroke, lightly pinch, maybe even give them a tug – see what feels best. It can be difficult to pleasure both your nipples and your genitals when you’re going solo, so try a pair of nipple clamps to keep the stimulation going. Many of them are adjustable so you can tailor the pressure to your liking. You could also pleasure them using a vibrator on a low setting, like a bullet, or the Form 2 by Jimmyjane.

        Kegels - For Men and Women

        We bet you’ve heard about the importance and benefits of doing Kegels before. As a quick reminder, for women they have the power to give you better and more frequent orgasms. For men, it helps with premature ejaculation and makes for stronger and longer lasting orgasms.

        What you might not know is that doing this sex exercise during solo play intensifies your big O to new levels. And who doesn’t want that?

        • First step – find your PC muscles. They’re the muscles you use to stop your pee mid-flow.
        • While you’re masturbating, practice tightening and releasing your PC muscles, working up to a 10-second hold before letting go
        • Ladies, you can also try inserting Kegel Balls, then focus on holding them inside your vagina while masturbating clitorally


        Lubricant is like the secret weapon for all things sex – it has the power to make everything feel a lot better. Research shows that women who reach for the lube regularly – during masturbation, as well as sex – reported higher levels of overall sexual satisfaction and actually enjoyed sex more. And for men… well it just makes sense that wetter is always better. So whether you’re serving up a hands-on dish, or employing your favorite toy to whip something up, sprinkle a little bit of lubricant into the mix and “BAM” – kick your masturbation up a notch!

        Try Pjur’s silicone-based lubricant for a long-lasting, extra-slippery experience. Or if you’re looking for something sex toy-safe, you can’t go wrong with System Jo’s H20 water-based lubricant

        Sex Toys For Couples

        • The We-Vibe Sync is not your average couples’ toy
        • The We-Vibe Sync is a best-seller for a reason: it’s signature crescent shape manages to artfully stimulate a woman’s clitoris and G-Spot during intercourse, while also providing a snugger fit for men.
        • The brand new We-Vibe Sync can be controlled remotely – through an actual remote, or from a distance (across the room or across the country) using a smartphone app – for a friskier form of masturbation between couples.
        • Waterproof, rechargeable, lasts up to 3 hours on full charge

        We-Vibe Sync Remote Control Couples Vibrator Wear During Sex

        Sync: $199.00

        Other Sex Toys

        There are so many different toys you can bring in the mix including clitoral, vaginal, dual stimulation toys, anal, you name it. Shop the best masturbation toys for her, him, and couples.



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        • Rockel Van Fossen

          Excellent read thank you