What You Need to Do BEFORE Having a Threesome

The Right Reasons

The first section of questions makes sure you’re setting up a threesome for the right reasons. Here are some questions to ask yourself to ensure this.

• Are You Trying to Fix Your Relationship?

A threesome isn’t going to fix your relationship. If things are on the rocks, you can’t expect that a spicy sexual experience is going to solve those problems. You should have a healthy relationship before you set up a threesome. As a matter of fact, trying to set up a threesome when you’re not communicating well can actually make your relationship worse – communication is crucial in this situation. 

• Are You Too Jealous to Let Your Partner Have Some of the Fun?

The Right Partner

Next, you want to make sure you’re setting up your threesome with the right person. When you’re thinking about who you want as the third person in your threesome, consider these two options. 

• Do You Want a Friend?

When you couple up with a friend, you get some benefits, like the fact that you already know whether you get along with that friend. However, if things end up going awkwardly, you need to have faith that your friend will be able to laugh it off in the future rather than having it impact your relationship.

• Do You Want a Stranger? 

With a stranger, you don’t have to worry about whether or not a bad experience will ruin a friendship. However, you do have to get to know this stranger a little bit before you have sex. That way, you’re less likely to have issues feeling compatible in the bedroom, but it can take a little bit more time and effort.

• Where Are You Finding Them?

One of the most important things you can do is make sure you’re looking in the right places. Dating apps typically aren’t a good fit unless you explicitly put in your profile that you’re looking for a threesome partner. Consider apps like Feeld, which are explicitly for finding threesomes, or search phrases like “poly groups near me” and “swinging groups near me” online.

The Right Restrictions

In a threesome, there will be some restrictions. Some threesomes may have more significant restrictions, while some might have very lax restrictions. Here are a few questions to ask before you go all-in with the threesome.

• What Are Everyone’s Boundaries?

Everyone needs to set out their boundaries early on, and different people can have very different boundaries. Your partner may be okay with penetration, for example, but not with kissing, or they may be okay with kissing and sex toys, but not penetration. Talk openly about your boundaries and make sure everyone has a chance to discuss theirs. 

• What Are Hard Limits and Soft Limits?

“Hard limit” and “soft limit” are terms the BDSM community often uses, but anyone can use them effectively. A hard limit is a limit that the individual doesn’t want to step over for any reason. A soft limit, however, is a limit that the individual may choose to move if they feel comfortable in the middle of sex. Understanding you and your partners’ hard and soft limits can help you understand what might happen during sex.

• What Types of Protection Are You Going to Use? 

Even if you feel comfortable having sex with your partner without condoms or dental dams, you may not feel that way with the third person. Plus, if they can get you or your partner pregnant or vice versa, you want to avoid this possibility. Condoms are, of course, a great option, and disposable sex toys can be equally helpful.

Conclusion

A threesome can be an amazing sexual experience, but you need to approach it properly. Approaching a threesome with the wrong intentions can make your sexual experience mediocre at best. Keep the lines of communication open, know what you’re looking for with the threesome, and go out to have an amazing time with your partner.