If you have a clitoris, are sexually active, and are reading this article, chances are you’ve faked an orgasm at least once in your life. Probably more than once, actually – let’s be real. Women faking orgasms is nothing new, there are tons of articles that talk about them and – more importantly – why women fake them. So, today’s topic is exactly that: faking orgasms. Regardless what your vagina nickname of choice is (vajayjay, punani, coochie, the manslayer 2000…), you need to totally own her and your sexuality.
There are many reasons why women fake orgasms in bed - none of which are good. Sometimes we fake it to get out of a subpar sex sesh, in which case you can go right on ahead and delete that number from your phone (all these sex toys and you still can’t make me cum? #nope). Sometimes, as the benevolent sex goddesses that we are, we put on a show to preserve the egos of sensitive lovers. Do you think you owe him moans for going down on you? It’s called eating out for a reason, because it’s a pleasure for them to perform oral – even better than ordering Wendy’s 4 for $4, so they better be motherf*cking thankful.
Whatever your reason is, the days of faking orgasms are over. It’s 2018, so we are demanding not only to be respected, but demanding orgasms as well. Even Nicki Minaj is sick and tired of this sh*t. Ariana Grande is out here preaching on Twitter about p*ssy power. If you’re having trouble with always faking orgasms, keep reading for the solutions to your problems.
Problem: You’re worried you’re taking too long to come.
Solution: Tell your partner exactly what you want them to do
Most women take 20-30 minutes to orgasm, and 80% of women aren’t able to orgasm from vaginal sex, meaning penetration is essentially useless for the big “O.” Don't waste time having your lover guess what will get you off. Pussyfooting around what you want, how you want it, and when, will only result in you being (sexually) frustrated. Not communicating isn’t an option. It doesn’t matter if you’re on your third date with a Tinder cutie or have been dating the same person for three years. No matter what, you need to make sure you are expressing your concerns to your partner if you are feeling some type of way – or in this case, not feeling certain things. This is no different from other sexual aspects of relationships, like revealing your sexual fantasies.
Women are magical, wonderful and delicious beings. Just because some of us can’t be jackhammered into an earth-shattering orgasm (*cough* the male species *cough*) doesn’t mean we aren’t worthy of the time and attention it takes for us to get there! Be open and tell your partner if it takes a while for you to warm up and really get going. Tell them how you like to start, and how you like to finish. Explain that it would be way easier for you to orgasm if you knew that they felt going down on you was the equivalent to an all-you-can-eat cruise buffet you spend three hours at twice a day (because you are, and if they don’t think so, they’re not the person you need down there anyway!)
Listen up, homegirl; if you have a sexual partner with even a shred of consideration, there’s a 0% chance that they’d mind how long it takes for you to orgasm. Make sure to speak up! Your platinum vagine is worthy of worship by your sexual partner, and the sooner you realize this, the sooner you can start demanding the orgasms you deserve. Facts only.
Problem: You want oral, but you feel insecure about people going down on you.
Solution: Get to know your body.
So many women completely shut down when their partner mentions wanting to go down on them simply because they are insecure about it. Honey, we promise there is nothing to be insecure about. You are worthy of great oral and a great sex life. If you can’t enjoy yourself while your partner is going down on you and it is a genuine turn-off, then, by all means, don’t subject yourself to it anymore. But if you actually do want it but don’t know how to be more comfortable in your own skin, there’s one tip you can follow: masturbate. You know that phrase “different strokes for different folks”? Well, it’s true. You’ll learn how you like to be played with if you play with yourself first.
If you like it rough and fast, you’ll realize after spending 30 minutes slowly rubbing your clit to no avail, but coming in five minutes flat when going at it. If you need it slow and passionate, then you will notice that going jackrabbit on your clit probably doesn’t do much for you. Masturbation is so key in learning your body and getting to fully know your sexuality. It’s a journey we will all be on for the rest of our lives – we’re always living and learning more. When you’re confident and comfortable in your own skin, you’ll be confident and comfortable in front of someone else. Spend some more sexy time with yourself, and see how much more you open up!
Problem: You’re worried about how it smells or tastes.
Solution: Stop worrying!
If it wasn’t obvious by now, a vagina...is a vagina. It is not a rose, it is not a daisy, and it is not supposed to smell as fresh as springtime. That’s just absolutely absurd, right? Contrary to this (totally false and sexist) popular belief, the vagina is supposed to taste and smell like one. Far too many products are marketed towards women’s insecurities about their vagina. Brands like Summer’s Eve love to make it seem that our vaginas are supposed to smell like the inside of a Bath and Body Works. False. If that was the case, we would come equipped with an internal perfume bottle, and we all know we don’t.
Where are the men’s health products to make their penises smell and taste better? How come men don’t worry about having to shave down there before a date just in case something happens? Enough is enough. Unless your vagina has a pungent or unnatural odor, it is just fine. If someone is immature enough to be adamant in not wanting to go down on you because they simply “don’t want to,” but expect it to be done to them, pack your stuff up and leave, sis. Like we said before, that is so not the person you want all up in your business, anyway.
Problem: You get too in your head and lose arousal.
Solution: Breathe, clear your mind and relax.
If the reason you fake orgasms is because you get caught up in your own mind while your partner is going down on you, or while they’re six feet deep in your cervix – relax. Have you ever noticed that if your mind wanders while masturbating you get less wet, or that you think of random topics while edging? This totes applies when you’re getting down and dirty, too. We get it, your mind is going 100 mph at any given moment, but try to pump the brakes on them during this – an orgasm is at stake.
Run your fingers through your partner’s hair, fully immerse yourself in the moment and just relax. Don’t be so ready to fake an orgasm just to get your partner out of there. It’s far too easy to get in your own head and potentially dry up like the Sahara, but it’s just as easy to get in the moment and really be all in with your partner. And don’t feel guilty if you think of a porn scene you saw once that really got you going, do what you have to do in order to finally orgasm.
To get yourself in the right mood and mindset light some candles, play some sexy music (pro tip: The Weeknd’s “Often”), and slip into your favorite lingerie. Don’t be afraid to bring any sex toys in the bedroom if you think that would help you come faster. Your partner can even be the one to use a toy on you, making way for even more dirty thoughts that will get you there in no time. Breathe and be mindful of your thoughts, because your real orgasm will be worth it.
After ages of conditioning yourself to fake orgasms, the time has come (wink, wink) for you to never do so again. Not only will the quality of your sex life improve, but your confidence will skyrocket and you will never settle for sh*tty oral or one-star sex ever again. Give your clit even more love with some of the best clit vibrators on the market from HUSTLER Hollywood. Try the Satisfyer Pro for an orgasm in mere minutes, or the Original Hitachi Magic Wand. Live your sex life to the fullest, and live it well!
