How to Talk Openly & Honestly With Your Partner About What Turns You On

Certain things are absolutely meant to be hidden. Middle school yearbook photos, hickeys, bad tattoos...those are all things we can all agree should never be spoken of or see the light of day (lock those secrets up in your shame box, feed the key to a wolf, feed that wolf to another wolf, and then throw that wolf away). But the kinky stuff, the freaky lil somethin’s that get you all tingly and put your orgasm into overdrive? Definitely not one of those things.


Do you have secret fetishes or fantasies that you’re hiding from your partner? Are you worried they’ll be weirded out or think you’re a sexual deviant? You need to cut that shit out. Orgasms are at stake and life is too short not to get your jollies as often as possible.


With the sex positivity movement in full swing, you should feel fully empowered to talk openly and honestly with your partner about what turns you on. Whether it’s feet, latex, or something we’ve never heard of, HUSTLER is here to get that conversation started (and give you amazing finishes).

Embrace Your Kinky Side  

Kink and sex are like french fries and Wendy’s Frosty’s. One is delicious, but vanilla, on its own. When you pair it with something unexpected (and at first, unusual) you make both amazing individual things even better! Combining metaphorical “fries” with metaphorical “milkshakes” might seem strange to a non-believer (and honestly, who are you people and what are you doing with your lives? You need to get with the tasty program). But to us – the insiders who are down with that sweet and salty swirl – we know that these two seemingly mismatched treats are absolutely orgasmic when combined.


Not only is your kink totally justified, but it’s probably not as strange as you think. Quite a few of sexual fantasies are actually pretty common. According to a sex questionnaire, over 84% of adults admitted to desiring voyeurism, exhibitionism, domination, sex orgies, bondage and other scenarios. So not only would you be doing yourself a service by being open about your sexual preferences, statistics show that your partner probably has a few fantasies of their own that they’ll want to share!


(Is your kink off the charts? Find out here.)


One significant result to note from these findings is that there’s a clear divide between women’s fantasies and men’s fantasies. For instance, women are more likely to fantasize about having sex with groups of three or more people, while men are more likely to fantasize about having sex with a prostitute or with someone much younger.


If you are in a heterosexual relationship, you might find that your sexual desires are slanted along gender lines. So, while many sexual fetishes aren’t strange by any means, your partner may still need some convincing. Don’t be discouraged, it’s just numbers.

How to Talk Openly & Honestly With Your Partner About What Turns You On 

How to Tell Your Partner What Turns You On

Coming forward about what really turns you can definitely be nerve-wracking. May not be as terrifying as coming out, but being feeling nervous is totally understandable. Trust, when you’re in bed with your eyes rolling back in pleasure from whatever it is that you’ve been secretly pining for, it’ll make an awkward conversation seem like a very small price to pay. So it’s time to (wo)man up, forget being embarrassed, and get to actually talking to your partner about what turns you on.

Blame it on the I-I-I-I-Internet

The glorious world wide web is the easiest gateway to bringing up anything and everything. You can use Reddit, social media, or any blog, as an excuse to bring fetishes up casually in conversation “Babe, I saw the most interesting thing online today…” Make a statement that brings up the topic without judgment. Avoid saying you saw something “freaky” or “weird.” Using judgmental labels will put a negative light on the subject and prime your partner to receive it negatively - the absolute opposite of what you’re trying to accomplish.

Let the Videos Do the Talking

If you and your partner are comfortable watching porn together, go ahead and use the actors to introduce your secret kink. It’s is a great way to bring it up in a setting that’s already sexual. You can see how your partner responds to what he sees and gauge how direct you can be when you bring it up. In an ideal world, your partner would point at the screen and declare, “I wanna do that!”


Keep Minds (and Legs) Open

As we mentioned earlier, your partner most likely has a couple of kinks they’ve been hiding themselves. Be prepared to hear their fantasies once you open the gateway to admitting sexual fantasies. Or perhaps, if you already know what gets them off, bring up ways that you can incorporate their fantasy with yours.

Go Old Fashioned and Take a Survey

A tried and true way to discover sexual kinks is a clinical approach of an online survey. It’s not subtle, it’s not sexy, but this sex questionnaire will tell you everything you need to know. Redditors highly recommend this sex survey as an upfront way to see what sexual fantasies you and your partner have in common. Here’s how it works: both partners answer the questions separately, and then the survey only reveals the answers you two had in common. It’s sexual discovery with all the perks and none of the embarrassment.

 

How to Talk Openly & Honestly With Your Partner About What Turns You On

 

If it’s ‘mission accomplished’ and you have your lover totally onboard and ready to sail the S.S Kinky Sex, pop on over to HUSTLER’s incredible selection of kink and fetish toys and have at it. But if your partner was a bit shell-shocked by your request, don’t give up hope. Get them to open up and explore their sexual side with some of the tamer sex toys and work them up to some of the wilder options.


Being honest and telling your partner what turns you on not only makes sex better, but it builds trust in your relationship. So, good job! Go forth and do as Missy Elliot would do, and get your freak on!


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1 comments

  • John Pinchot

    I really like your web site with the sex guides and articles. I’m reading the one titled, “How to Talk Openly & Honestly With Your Partner About What Turns You On”. Can you provide the source for this quote, “For instance, women are more likely to fantasize about having sex with groups of three or more people, while men are more likely to fantasize about having sex with a prostitute or with someone much younger”?