When’s the last time you and your partner had sex? If you can’t remember the last time you made your lover’s toe curl, your sex life may need a revamp. Couples should have sex at least once a week regardless of age or duration of a relationship. Contrary to popular belief, sex drive does not disappear with age (in fact, seniors are repeatedly reported to be some of the most adventurous and sexually liberated!), and married women are nearly twice as likely to orgasm consistently compared to their single counterparts.
If you and your boo aren’t getting freaky in the sheets this often, fear not, there is definitely hope yet for your relationship. Beating a sexual rut is easier than you think using our tips for couples that have lost the passion (and want to get it back!).
Keep in mind, restoring your relationship’s sex drive isn’t a one-size-fits-all remedy. There are three main reasons that couples’ libidos take a nosedive. For the best fix, find which case describes you. Keep reading if you’re ready to break the headboard, burn a hole in the mattress, and wake up your neighbors with back-scratchingly amazing sex.
The Issue: Boredom
Falling into a routine has dulled the excitement you initially felt in your relationship. While feeling secure with your partner is an amazing accomplishment, it’s the unexpected that keeps the spark alive. Boredom in the bedroom is easily remedied with a bit of courage and out-of-the-box thinking. Here are some ideas to bring novelty back into your relationship:
Sexual Bets
Create a naughty challenge between you and your partner: “I bet I can make you ___ with my ___ in 5 minutes”
Everybody wins when you turn pleasuring your partner into a competition. The pressure is eliminated for you, so you can have fun and completely focus on making your partner feel amazing.
Your lucky partner will be on the receiving end of you giving it your all, your enthusiasm to please bringing them back to the memories of your first passionate encounters. A competitive spirit is sure to supercharge otherwise lackluster lovemaking. Oh and trash-talking is highly encouraged!
Bonus tip: check out some sex games to really get you and your partner fired up.
Take a Vacation (Just the Two of You)
Leave the kids behind for this one. The combination of kids and responsibilities don’t leave many opportunities to indulge in the multi-orgasmic, up-against-the wall romps you once had. Carve out a little ‘me-time’ for your relationship and focus on reconnecting (or recreating) you and your partner’s sexual chemistry.
Remember how special all your firsts were as a new couple? The first date, the first kiss, the first time seeing their O-face...Choose a destination neither of you have ever been to and feel the rush of new firsts.
Make a Video
Always wished your sex life was hot and raunchy like the movies? Unleashing your inner porn star is as easy as hitting the ‘record’ button. You know how you sit up straighter when you know someone is looking at you? You’ll be amazed at what a difference it makes when it feels like your lovemaking has an audience (you naughty little voyeur - we highly approve!).
A pro tip for the more cautious: you don’t actually need to record! Just having the camera on and seeing the red ‘recording’ light will be enough to bring out the theatrics.
The Issue: Sexual Attraction
Has the bustle of real life made you forget what a sexy beast you can be? Take a time-out from your day-to-day to sexually recharge and make you feel like the sex god or goddess that you are.
Skip the Sweatpants
PSA: put some effort into your appearance even when you’re at home. Nothing kills sexy-time vibes like your shapeless sacks of “comfy clothes.” Too often in relationships, home time is “off” time, which means your partner never gets to see you looking presentable. Inner beauty, blah blah blah.
Regardless of how much your partner loves your personality...they’re probably not raring to do you when you’re in you’re hole-y, oversized t-shirt from college. More importantly, would you want to do you? If your relaxation clothes don’t make you feel sexy, it’s going to severely impede your relationship’s sex drive.
Trash your raggedy PJs, invest in a nice robe, and ladies, when in doubt, your partner’s going to love coming home and seeing you in some skimpy lingerie.
Recreate a Sexy First
Remember how your partner was all over you when you first started dating? The thrill of knowing they wanted you bad? Relive the thrill of the chase (or the conquest) and recreate a significant first: the first date, the first makeout, the first orgasm...Reliving those moments will put both of you in the mindset of remembering how damn attracted your were to one another, and the feeling of victory when you got them. If your ego needs a boost, this is a guaranteed way to feel confident in your relationship again.
Try on New Identities
Frequently recommended by couples that have lost the passion, simply pretend to be other people to reignite the spark. You can try role-playing at home or go public and hit on your partner as a stranger.
Any location will do - a bar is an obvious choice, but get creative! What really makes your performance matter are your roles. Dress up, play hard to get, stick to your stories, and see how fun the adult version of ‘playing pretend’ can be. You get the thrill of the pursuit and the intrigue of the unknown without any potential for rejection.
Bonus tip: ladies, want to transform from a busty brunette to a ravishing blonde bombshell? Then you’re going to want to add a wig to your new identity!
The Issue: Physical Ability
Sometimes our bodies can’t keep up with our sex drive, but this doesn’t mean you have to forgo sexual pleasure altogether. Small modifications can ensure you and your partner still get your happy ending.
Adopt New Go-To Sex Positions
Don’t let pain prevent you from giving - or receiving - pleasure. There are a number of issues that have people swearing off sex, but if one in four men over 85 and one in 10 women still said they’d had sex in the last year, then you have no excuse.
Instead of tapping out and quitting sex altogether, you just need to modify your moves to work with your body’s abilities. Here are the 3 best position for older couples recommended by the Huffington Post:
- Spooning - Great for those with back issues or a bit of a belly
- Backs - Both partners lay on their backs, super low impact and very comfortable
- In a Chair - Good for those with back issues. The woman sits on the man’s lap, just make sure the chair is low enough that her feet can touch the ground
Speaking of furniture - if the chair isn’t making getting freaky any easier, there are props that can significantly lower the impact of lovemaking. Sex pillows (also referred to as a sex ramp or sex wedge) can lower the impact on the body by supporting you and your lover. Bonus, they help your partner achieve an optimal positioning for penetration, oral, anal, and anything in between (we don’t judge).
Add Battery Power
Rabbits, wands, and bullets. We’re not referring to an aggressive magic trick: we’re talking vibrators. The power to cause body-shuddering orgasms is in the palm of your hand - literally. Use vibrators to build up the passion during foreplay or create explosive pleasure when you use them to climax at the same time. If you think that vibrators are only for women, you’ve got a lot to catch up on. Anal vibrators, vibrating cock rings, and couple vibrators are alternative - but just as easy! - ways to stimulate your partner.
Get the Blood Flowing Again
Sexual stimulants are a great way to compensate for physical limitations, and there’s a lot more out there than just Viagra. There are female enhancement pills that increase lubrication, arousal oils and gels for women to make sex feel more intense, and vaginal gels that make the vagina tighter and penetration more pleasurable.
Warming gels and oral sex candy are other stimulants that can be mutually enjoyed by both parties. So regardless whatever roadblock you find (mental or otherwise) that’s preventing you from enjoying sex to the fullest, there are tried and true aids that can go the distance for you.
Hustler Hollywood has everything you need to rekindle your relationship and spice up your sex life. Check out our amazing array of toys and tools to bring the passion back into your bedroom. Stop making excuses and start having more orgasms.
